Speech to my 10th grade English class: "Why Klingons Are Bad"

 This is extremely racist.

Greetings. I have come before you today on behalf of the Federation envoy to the Klingon Empire to discuss and illustrate the gravity and serious negative repercussions that have come about as a result of the peace treaty between the United Federation of Planets and the Klingon Empire.
As you know, a “rapprochement” of sorts was negotiated at the Khitomer Conference in 2293 and was entitled the “Khitomer Accords”. Almost 200 years after that conference, the Federation found it necessary to negotiate a Peace Treaty in order to form a more impressive conglomeration with which to do battle with hostile Dominion forces, which were made up predominantly of Cardassian and Jem’ Hadar warriors.
While I recognize the necessity of these decisions, I do not believe that either of the treaties has had any impact on hostilities between our two cultures. Since nearly the beginning of the Federation’s reign of peace in 2161, the race originating from the planet Kronos, (or as its inhabitants say “Quo’noS”) has attempted to foil nearly every plan of an ultimate peace in the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. This race is the Klingons, or in their native tongue, “tlhngan”. Until, and extending mostly throughout the 22nd and 23rd centuries, and specifically the tour of duty by Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, the Klingons have attempted to sabotage the economic and political assets of the United Federation of Planets, desiring our space for strategic placements of tools of war.
They desire not our inhabitants, nor our natural resources. They have performed several atrocious acts of irrational violence towards the Federation. These acts have included the unprovoked attack on the Enterprise by the overambitious Klingon Captain Klaa, the attempted theft of the Genesis Project material by the ruthless Commander Kruge, and most politically prominent, the conspiracy to assassinate Chancellor Gorkon. I will attempt to anatomize these three incidents in order to give you the proper information by which to make an effective decision, but I must reiterate, this is not, by far the complete list of Klingon offenses against the Federation.
First, on stardate 8454.1, Captain James Kirk and the new but struggling Enterprise-A, were assigned by Admiral Robert Bennett to travel to Nimbus III and rescue three hostages taken by the Vulcan madman Sybok. As Kirk was performing his mission, Captain Klaa opened fire on the Enterprise and pursued her course to the Great Barrier. Captain Klaa later admitted that his attack was not authorized by his government, but this still goes to show the passion for “honor at all costs”, by which all Klingons lead their lives.
Next, on stardate 8210.3, Commander Kruge, of the Bird-of-Prey soon to be renamed the Botany Bay, attempted to steal the secret of the Genesis torpedo for use by his race. It is widely believed that his unorthodox objective was authorized by officials from the Klingon High Council. This demonstrates the underhanded way the Empire gets nearly all of its information.
Third, and most pertinent, is the conspiracy in 2293 to assassinate the reigning leader of the High Council, Chancellor Gorkon. Following the explosion of the Klingon moon, Praxis, the Klingons made an appeal for peace from the Federation, in order to conserve resources that were being quickly consumed as a result of the deadly contamination of their atmosphere. Since all of Klingon's oxygen would be used up in approximately 50 Earth years, Captain Kirk was assigned to escort the Chancellor to a peace conference on Earth, under a flag of truce, on a mission of peace. Unbeknownst to Kirk or the Chancellor, Gorkon’s chief of staff, General Chang had conspired with members of the Enterprise’s crew, notably Lieutenant Valeris, to assassinate Chancellor Gorkon in order to prevent the peace process from going through.
At this same time, a new class of the Klingon battleship Bird-of-Prey was being developed that was able to fire all major weapons while operating its cloaking device. A cloaking device, as you may know is a Romulan invention that hides a ship behind a surge of neutron radiation, with the major drawback of interfering with the ship’s targeting scanners. The Klingons, always eager to develop new ways to kill, had overcome this shortcoming, and was testing the only prototype on this mission of death. Chang, operating the Bird-of-Prey directly beneath the Enterprise, fired two photon torpedoes, while cloaked, at the Chancellor’s battle cruiser, Kronos 1. This looking much like an attack from the Enterprise, Kirk and his chief medical officer, Leonard H. McCoy, were falsely accused of assassinating the Chancellor, with whom they had behaved quite respectfully and cordially at a formal dinner aboard the Enterprise. Both officers were arrested and taken back to Kronos, where they were convicted and sent to the dilithium mines on the ice planet of Rura Penthe.
This whole time, General Chang prosecuted this men and arranged to have them killed while in prison. Only through quick thinking and prime investigative skills by Kirk’s first officer Captain Spock, Kirk and McCoy were retrieved from Rura Penthe and Chang and his deadly ship were eliminated. The Enterprise’s crew made it to the peace conference, which had since been relocated to Camp Khitomer, and prevented yet another assassin from killing the President of the Federation. The conspiracy had reached as far as Admiral Cartwright, Colonel West, and Romulan Ambassador Nanclus, all prominent figures in the United Federation of Planets. As Lt. Valeris stated, during her inquiry, “They conspired with us to assassinate their own Chancellor. How trustworthy can they be?” I am forced to agree.
The Klingons have shown nothing but aggression and hostility toward the Federation, even after the aforesaid treaties were signed. Need I even mention the cloning of Kahless the Unforgettable, who is a prominent figure in their religion, but who has been dead for over 1500 years, with the intention of having him take control of the Klingon Empire. Or the threatening of the space station Deep Space Nine, with over 5,000 photon torpedoes. Or the abduction and attempted murder of James Kirk’s only surviving relative by Klingon Ambassador Kamarag.
I do not believe that this race deserves our trust or friendship. We have nothing to gain from the Klingons, except more deception and loss. Since the treaty at the Khitomer Conference, have we made progress towards a peaceful alliance with the Klingons? Have there been cultural exchanges or reciprocations of knowledge or technology? No. All that these treaties have accomplished is the erection of a false sense of security along the diplomatic fronts of both parties. What we need now do is to recognize the Klingons as a potential threat to the safety and serenity of this magnificent Federation. We need to break all ties to this odious Empire of war, therefore ensuring the lasting reputation of the prudent decisions made by our government officials.
I would like to leave you with a parable from Native American folklore. A scorpion was walking along a river, trying to figure out a way to cross it. He saw a fox also walking along the river and the scorpion asked him to carry him across the river on his back. The fox replied, ”Now way! If I put you on my back, you will sting me and I’ll drown.” The scorpion said, “If I sting you, I’ll drown, too.” So the fox agreed. But about half way across the river, the scorpion stung the fox. As the poison raced though the fox’s veins, he turned to the scorpion and asked, “Why did you sting me? Now you’ll drown, too?” The scorpion responded, “I could not help it. It’s my nature.”
If we use the scorpion in this tale as a metaphor for the Klingon threat, the urgency for action becomes evident. Consider these facts in you decision. Thank you.

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