hi.

Constitution of the Brandeis Royal Gaming Society

When my posse decided to create a club at college so that we could get funding to play croquet all the time, we decided to thumb our nose at the antiquated and over-ceremonial requirements of campus organizations.  So we wrote this.  It passed.  Notice how it's all just one big run-on sentence.



MOREOVER The Brandeis Royal Gaming Society (hereinafter referred to as “the Society”) must cease to not exist and


WHEREAS We the founding members of the Society ravenously crave a jolly good game of croquet and


ALTHOUGH Cynics deride the validity of such sports as croquet, cricket, polo (both standard and aquatic), shuffleboard, curling, et cetera, and


WHOSOEVER Desires to partake and/or enjoin in the convivial and/or cutthroat atmosphere of croquet must meet these requirements:

1) attend a croquet match of the Society and


VOUCHSAFING The guarantee of non-discrimination on the basis of sex, race, religion, sexual preference, class, age, nationality, physical disability, inexperience, gross incompetence, impertinence,  creed, shoe size, ethnicity, political ideology, or sheer girth of a player, he or she who is first to achieve all nine wickets and strike the turning and terminating stakes according to the pre-agreed-upon rules and regulations determined at the commencement of each meeting shall be invested with the office of “Stallion” and be responsible for all leadership, officiating, conflict-resolution, and disciplining decisions seen by the Stallion as necessary and beneficial to the Society and


HARDUPON The designation of a Stallion shall he or she who is second to achieve all nine wickets and strike the turning and terminating stakes according to the pre-agreed-upon rules and regulations determined at the commencement of each meeting shall be invested with the office of “Colt” and be responsible for inspection of chosen playing ground for accurate wicket and stake placement and those detritus-removal duties seen by the Colt as necessary and beneficial to the Society and


SOON AFTER The designation of a Colt shall he or she who is third to achieve all nine wickets and strike the turning and terminating stakes according to the pre-agreed-upon rules and regulations determined at the commencement of each meeting shall be invested with the office of “Mare” and be responsible for equipment upkeep, de-wetting balls mired in water hazards, and the command to “unhead yourselves, gentlemen” (i.e., remove the heads of the mallets) (hereinafter referred to as “the Command”) at the start of each game and


ON THE HEELS Of the designation of a Mare shall he or she who is fourth to achieve all nine wickets and strike the turning and terminating stakes according to the pre-agreed-upon rules and regulations determined at the commencement of each meeting shall be invested with the office of “Nag” and be responsible for equipment transportation and the ritual of mallet selection immediately following the Command, consisting of presenting the mallet handles with colors obscured for selection by the Members and


IN THE CASE OF A determination to enact a change to either the Society’s rules or constitution, a discussion shall ensue and a unanimous consensus shall be achieved and once achieved changes in documentation shall be effected at the earliest convenience under the supervision of the Stallion and


FURTHERMORE Meeting times shall be determined at the convenience of the members and


WHEREUPON Any persons desiring membership information shall contact any active member and


WE, THE FOUNDING MEMBERS, BID YOU GOOD-EV’N’.

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