MY BODY: Dude, you need to breathe.
ME: What? I am breathing.
MY BODY: No you’re not.
ME: What do you mean? I’m inhaling right now, see?
MY BODY: Yeah, I see your mouth open and your lungs filling with something but I need something I can work with here.
ME: What –? I’m breathing like I always breathe. What’s the matter with you?
MY BODY: What’s the matter with me? Are you familiar with how the human body is intended to function?
ME: Well, yes -
MY BODY: Oxygen. Not just “air”, but oxygen. That’s what we need here if we’re going to continue to work together.
ME: What –? Oxy-
MY BODY: Think back, brainiac. It’s a two atom-
ME: I know what it is.
MY BODY: I don’t think you do. If you did, I’d’ve seen more than six molecules of the stuff over the past half mile. Are you running on the moon or something?
ME: No, I’m running in Brooklyn just like always.
MY BODY: Brooklyn? In a July heatwave? That’s the moon.
ME: It’s not the moon!
MY BODY: Go back to the lunar rover, Buzz.
ME: It’s not the moon! It’s Brooklyn. Look, that lady’s running! And there’s a fat guy on a bicycle.
MY BODY: They’ll be dead in fifteen minutes. My point stands. You need to get somewhere with less Steamy Trashy and more Airy Breathey.
ME: No, fuck you.
MY BODY: Ok, smart guy. You just keep it up.