This is what the world will look like five years after the zombie apocalypse.
I’m out of water and I’m ten miles from home. My choices:
- Purchase water with U.S. currency earned through stressful labor.
- Drink whatever is coming out of that drain pipe.
- Observe my body become jerky-like in its dehydration while carrying an empty plastic bottle.
There is no more slippery substance than warm snow on a boardwalk. Does NASA know about this? This could solve all kinds of viscosity problems they’re having with the ISS robotic arm.
What the fuck is “Seagate, NY”? Someone has erected razor wire and plywood around 10 beachfront blocks. It has its own police force and Divided-Berlin-style access points. What, you think you’re better than me?
Man, I’m thirsty.
I have literally stumbled upon another ocean by accident. Where the hell am I? The Verrazano Bridge looks so damn far away.
The Nike Zoom Structure Triax +12 is the greatest shoe ever made. However, I’m confident that Nike will top it in less than a month. Are Nike engineers ever disheartened by the fact that their milestones are so short-lived?
Wow, that backstreet amusement park probably looks pretty nice when driven past on the freeway. On foot, I’m able to see the Blair-Witch-style tree hangings and the skeletons in the Tilt-a-Whirl.
Tomorrow, I am buying a Camelbak.
No I’m not. Too poor.
My shadow shows that my hair is tilting back and out in a distinctive Sonic pattern. Will this affect my wind resistance? Would gel help? Do they make hair products for runners? Should I patent this idea?
Gels! That’s what I forgot, fucking Power Gels. Muscles so sore.
Ooh! Dunkin Donuts!